The White Dresser

This week, I have been working on selling much of our furniture on KSL, Utah's equivalent to Craigslist.  Selling items like graphing calculators and kitchen tools does nothing less than thrill me :)  I love turning clutter into cold hard cash!  In fact, every time my friend Kristen or I make a sale, we rejoice together in our success.  

This is T's white dresser.  To me, it is more than a dresser- a place to store her clothes and rest her changing pad.  This dresser represents the hours and hours of energy I put in to researching and purchasing the furniture and decor for her nursery.  My pregnancy was difficult, and one way I coped with the physical hardships of these 9 months was by creating a beautiful space where I anticipated loving and caring for my baby.  I spent every Saturday driving through Utah and Salt Lake counties, scouting out various furniture pieces and deliberating over which fabric print to use... I spent sleepless night after sleepless night reading car seat and stroller reviews wanting only the best for my sweet baby girl.  Every part of me focused on building the best possible nursery and life for her that I could imagine.

When the buyer came to purchase the dresser, I had an emotional reaction.  It was nothing about the dresser itself.  I was excited to sell it and would even make a bit of money flipping it!  Selling that dresser was one of the first times the reality of this move really set in.  Selling that dresser was the first time that the sacrifices of living abroad really hit me.  In my mind, I can totally embrace the idea of living out of a suitcase if it means living in Costa Rica.  But, I didn't connect the idea that T's white dresser, the symbol of my commitment to love and provide for her, will not fit in that suitcase.  

And so, this past week, I have been processing the idea that I do not need things... no custom dresser, no handmade bedding, no comfy nursing chair, no Pinterest nursery for me to give my sweet baby girl the love and quality mothering that she deserves.  In fact, I believe that I can be an even better mother to her as I go after my goals and live the life of my dreams.  We are committed to helping her have a positive experience in Central America that she will reflect on (perhaps through photos and stories alone) and will encourage her to dream big and find meaningful ways to learn from and contribute to the world around her.  This is a core value for our family.  And I care a lot more about these values than I care about that beautiful white dresser.